Why do I run?

Probably the single most asked question I receive is why do I run?
"Isn't it hard?"
"It's so boring!"
"You're so skinny, why do you do it?"
"I only run when being chased, ha!"
"You think running is fun?!"---crazy look on face

If you're a runner, I'm sure you've heard the same things. A lot of times when I'm asked this question, I really don't know what to say. I'll hesitate and I know why I do it, but I can't elaborate into words why I do it day after day. Maybe that's because running is more of a feeling then anything else. I'm not the greatest at expressing feelings either, so usually I'll just mutter the words, "because I want to."

When I started running years ago, it just kind of happened. I didn't wake up one day and say to myself, "I'm going to run and do it everyday until I'm good at it!"
I've always had an itch inside of me to be active. I was a tomboy growing up and loved playing basketball or football with the boys in the neighborhood (including my now husband)
As a kid, I was shy, unpopular, and had a kind heart. These things combined ultimately killed me throughout school. I was picked on, sat by myself at lunch, and never had any girlfriends I could talk to or hang out with. I so badly wanted to join a sports team to connect with others and cure this itch I had deep inside. I was getting in trouble in school and failing classes. My junior high school counselor even wrote a letter to my parents calling me a derailed train with a dim future.

So when the time came when I was allowed to join a team, I tried Poms in 8th grade. Found out I wasn't pretty enough, so I dropped out. At that time, I had started running around my neighborhood by myself a day or two a week. I'd usually sneak out of the house with my Walkman cassette tape player and just zone out while I trotted down the street. I was by myself with no one judging me or telling me I couldn't do it. It was liberating.

9th grade I tried the track team, but that lasted one day and I was forced to drop out then too.

10th grade I practiced with the softball team and was pulled aside by one of the girls and was told I probably wouldn't make it because, "I was too skinny and not strong enough to handle it."

I knew I wasn't a natural athlete. No one in my family was active and as a kid, it was hard to get out. I turned to running even more during this time to allow myself to decompress from school, from the lack of friends, and the lack of confidence I had.

The more I ran, the more self-worth I gained. I wasn't good at it. I had no idea what pace I was running or the miles I put in. I wore cheap tennis shoes and had to take a lot of walk breaks. I couldn't breathe, my knees hurt, and I questioned why I was doing it many times. All I know is when I returned to my house as tired as I was, I felt stronger...inside. This was a feeling I wasn't used to and it felt so good. Between 11th and 12th grade in high school, I started to turn things around. I stopped caring what others thought of me. I started getting A's and B's and taking honor's classes. I developed self-esteem and was starting to understand what it was to take care of my body and my mind. This derailed train graduated with Honor's and enrolled straight into a nursing program in college. I took running with me the entire way.

Maybe it's a coincidence that running changed me for the better.
Is it hard? Hell yes it is!
Does it hurt? Like a motherfucker.
Isn't it boring? It can be, but if it is all the time, you're doing it wrong.
You're skinny, why do you run? Who said it was about being skinny???
I only run when being chased? Maybe you have something chasing you and you can't see it...
You think running is fun?  When you put in the work and your body adapts, it does become fun. Imagine no pain, no shortness of breath, and the feeling of flying----this takes time and work. You have to earn it day after day, month after month, year after year.

We now live in a world were the majority of people are overworked and are used to having things made convenient for them. Being an active, healthy person in a world like this, will definitely make me stand out. Whether it's in a positive way or a negative one. That's why I turn to others who run and connect with them through social media or at local races. Before the days of Instagram and Daily Mile, I really felt like an alien, like the oddball. Now I see runners are out there...everywhere and it's a hell of a community to be a part of.

After 15 years of running, I don't ever see myself giving it up. It's a part of me. You ask me why I run, I'll ask you why you piss in the morning when you wake up. To me, it's natural and a normal part of my day. I eat better, I feel better, and hope to be a positive influence to my 4 year old daughter as she grows in a world of convenience and lack of people taking care of themselves. Running teaches us that things are hard and do hurt...but is that an excuse to quit and throw in the towel. NO! Persevere and push through it. Take on challenges and allow them to change you and make you stronger. Then take on a harder challenge and see what you can do. Such is life. You'd be surprised at what you can do and how it changes you for the better.

Never stop running