Why do I run?

Probably the single most asked question I receive is why do I run?
"Isn't it hard?"
"It's so boring!"
"You're so skinny, why do you do it?"
"I only run when being chased, ha!"
"You think running is fun?!"---crazy look on face

If you're a runner, I'm sure you've heard the same things. A lot of times when I'm asked this question, I really don't know what to say. I'll hesitate and I know why I do it, but I can't elaborate into words why I do it day after day. Maybe that's because running is more of a feeling then anything else. I'm not the greatest at expressing feelings either, so usually I'll just mutter the words, "because I want to."

When I started running years ago, it just kind of happened. I didn't wake up one day and say to myself, "I'm going to run and do it everyday until I'm good at it!"
I've always had an itch inside of me to be active. I was a tomboy growing up and loved playing basketball or football with the boys in the neighborhood (including my now husband)
As a kid, I was shy, unpopular, and had a kind heart. These things combined ultimately killed me throughout school. I was picked on, sat by myself at lunch, and never had any girlfriends I could talk to or hang out with. I so badly wanted to join a sports team to connect with others and cure this itch I had deep inside. I was getting in trouble in school and failing classes. My junior high school counselor even wrote a letter to my parents calling me a derailed train with a dim future.

So when the time came when I was allowed to join a team, I tried Poms in 8th grade. Found out I wasn't pretty enough, so I dropped out. At that time, I had started running around my neighborhood by myself a day or two a week. I'd usually sneak out of the house with my Walkman cassette tape player and just zone out while I trotted down the street. I was by myself with no one judging me or telling me I couldn't do it. It was liberating.

9th grade I tried the track team, but that lasted one day and I was forced to drop out then too.

10th grade I practiced with the softball team and was pulled aside by one of the girls and was told I probably wouldn't make it because, "I was too skinny and not strong enough to handle it."

I knew I wasn't a natural athlete. No one in my family was active and as a kid, it was hard to get out. I turned to running even more during this time to allow myself to decompress from school, from the lack of friends, and the lack of confidence I had.

The more I ran, the more self-worth I gained. I wasn't good at it. I had no idea what pace I was running or the miles I put in. I wore cheap tennis shoes and had to take a lot of walk breaks. I couldn't breathe, my knees hurt, and I questioned why I was doing it many times. All I know is when I returned to my house as tired as I was, I felt stronger...inside. This was a feeling I wasn't used to and it felt so good. Between 11th and 12th grade in high school, I started to turn things around. I stopped caring what others thought of me. I started getting A's and B's and taking honor's classes. I developed self-esteem and was starting to understand what it was to take care of my body and my mind. This derailed train graduated with Honor's and enrolled straight into a nursing program in college. I took running with me the entire way.

Maybe it's a coincidence that running changed me for the better.
Is it hard? Hell yes it is!
Does it hurt? Like a motherfucker.
Isn't it boring? It can be, but if it is all the time, you're doing it wrong.
You're skinny, why do you run? Who said it was about being skinny???
I only run when being chased? Maybe you have something chasing you and you can't see it...
You think running is fun?  When you put in the work and your body adapts, it does become fun. Imagine no pain, no shortness of breath, and the feeling of flying----this takes time and work. You have to earn it day after day, month after month, year after year.

We now live in a world were the majority of people are overworked and are used to having things made convenient for them. Being an active, healthy person in a world like this, will definitely make me stand out. Whether it's in a positive way or a negative one. That's why I turn to others who run and connect with them through social media or at local races. Before the days of Instagram and Daily Mile, I really felt like an alien, like the oddball. Now I see runners are out there...everywhere and it's a hell of a community to be a part of.

After 15 years of running, I don't ever see myself giving it up. It's a part of me. You ask me why I run, I'll ask you why you piss in the morning when you wake up. To me, it's natural and a normal part of my day. I eat better, I feel better, and hope to be a positive influence to my 4 year old daughter as she grows in a world of convenience and lack of people taking care of themselves. Running teaches us that things are hard and do hurt...but is that an excuse to quit and throw in the towel. NO! Persevere and push through it. Take on challenges and allow them to change you and make you stronger. Then take on a harder challenge and see what you can do. Such is life. You'd be surprised at what you can do and how it changes you for the better.

Never stop running

Training Update-1/2 way through!

I can't believe I'm already half way done with marathon training for my upcoming race in November, The Monumental Marathon in Indy. When I purchased and read the Hanson's Marathon Method book, I'm not going to lie, I was a little intimidated. The high mile weeks, intense speed workouts, and the whole idea of cumulative fatigue was so different from how I trained for my previous marathons. I figured that I've been a runner for 14 years now and had a great base going into training. I had already completed 2 full marathons and an ultra marathon, so I was willing to give this training plan a try. I'm so glad I took this leap, because I've never felt so strong physically and mentally as I do now.

It's no secret that my goal with this marathon is to Boston Qualify(BQ) I'm well aware that in order to qualify for my age, I need to run a 3:35 or better marathon...or an 8:12/mile pace for 26.2 miles. I knew that in order to make that happen, I would need my ass kicked into shape. I can honestly say half way through the advanced training plan, I have got my ass kicked...but in a great way.  Even though I'm not a "newbie" marathoner anymore, I have still learned a few new things about myself everyday I'm out there running.


1. I've learned that I can run A LOT longer and faster than I had ever imagined before. So many times in the past when I was training, I'd give into that voice in my head that tells me to stop or slow down. Not this time. That little voice is still there, but all I have to do is ask myself, "Am I going to stop or slow down in the marathon? NO! Push through it and come out stronger in the end!" I've had some amazing tempo runs because of this and will still strive to push through as my tempo distance increases over the upcoming weeks.

2. Speaking of "pushing through"...pain, fatigue and I have grown well acquainted over the last 9 weeks.  The whole idea of Hanson's is to go into my long runs with fatigued, tired legs as to simulate the last miles of the marathon and not the first. I've noticed my tolerance to pain has gotten so much better and I'm feeling stronger physically and mentally because of it.  I did have a moment of weakness during a 12 mile run where I stopped at mile 8 feeling exhausted and defeated from that weeks training. I was pretty much crying by myself in the middle of nowhere, looking up at the sky and asking God why was I doing this every day? Why was I putting myself through all this when I could be at home with my family? What if I'm doing all of this for nothing? Qualifying for Boston is out of my league, I'm not that kind of runner. After a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I got my act together quickly and remembered how blessed I was to even have an opportunity to train like this. To breathe and see the world like no one else can. I finished that 12 mile run and haven't questioned myself since.

3. I have learned to LOVE the track. The workouts are hard as hell but seeing my times improve and my overall strength increase have started my love affair with the oval office. Like the saying goes, "Runners know that running in circles doesn't always mean finishing where we started."

As I look forward to the final 9 weeks of training and as my marathon approaches closer and closer, I'm going to continue to give it my all and push myself to levels I never knew existed.  Yes, it sucks getting up at 4-5AM, lacing up my shoes and leaving my husband and daughter as they sleep in their beds, but I know in my heart it will be worth it. No one has to understand it as long as I do. I return home a stronger woman, a better mother and wife for my family.

I want to also add that I am ready to forgive myself if I fall short of my goal. I'm not going to focus on that too much right now because I'm going to remain positive, but the reality is something out of my control could happen in the upcoming weeks or on race day. The desire to be the best runner that I can possibly be will always be there and that alone will be enough for me to never stop trying, no matter how long it takes me to BQ. Like I've said before, running is engrained into every fiber of my being. I was born to do this and I'll never give up.